Popstar Wisdom

If anything, today has been a little less intense emotionally than the last few days. Marion stayed in bed until 9.30-ish, when Nattie and I dragged her out for breakfast. Then she went back to bed again to 'read'. Around 11.30 I went up to check on her and she was sleeping. She's snoozed in the (vague) sun this afternoon and so has had a restful day.

It was raining a little this morning so I was happy to hang around the house, but it cleared up mid-morning so I had no excuse not to drag my ass out for a bike ride. When I checked the air temp it was around 14C, so I put on a light jacket. However, when I got down to Bandol it was 24C and I was cooking. Since my fitness has taken a hit I chose a shortish, flatish route - all relative, this region is anything but level. There's a lovely climb from Sanary through Olllioules and then through a beautiful gorge back to Le Beausset. It looks quite a challenge when you drive it, but actually it's a pleasant 3-4%.

Once I was moving on my bike I realised (stupidly) how much I need to cycle. I felt much less depressed as I rode along. My head is way too disturbed and noisy to be receptive to anything except my own loud and turbulent thoughts. But equally I realised just how full of s*** my system is, stress, worry, medication to name but a few things. It's clearly imperative that I exercise and I'm definitely in the right place for that. Next time I'm going to do my standard route round the airport, 40km and about 600m climbing. That should clean me out some more. And I need to start attacking the rubber ring that I've grown around my middle.

To be honest though, I'm finding it very difficult to relax and rest. Whilst Marion seems able to stay in bed, when I wake up I feel the clock ticking. I have a long list of jobs to do, mostly private and money administration. A lot of stuff that has been hanging around for too long and that is starting to worry me. There are also plenty of jobs to do around the house and future stuff to think about. I guess that I should just sit down for a couple of days and work through the admin, but tiredness and general lethargy stand squarely in the way. It's a difficult balance to strike.

Anyway, I'm going to keep things light today. Tomorrow will be another heavily emotional day, I suspect.

As a last remark, last night Marion was watching a bio about George Michael. Talking about the death of his mother, he said that he thought that there are two types of people in the world, those who have experienced great loss and those who haven’t, yet. I thought that this was probably very true but equally a fact that I’d rather not know. I hope knowing it doesn’t mean that I now have to start hanging out in men’s public toilets.