One Year Ago: The Beginning of the End

One year ago today our nightmare began. I can't really add anything deep or meaningful to this statement, in the last year I've said most of it. It still feels like I/we have fallen through into a ghastly parallel, nastier universe. And I still have an overwhelming desire to know why this should have happened to us, even though I know that there are no answers. And I still have the feeling that this is a big mistake, as though Kay's going to come walking in the door any minute with a cheeky expression on her face, laughing at the big joke that she's pulled on us.

This evening the sky is clear and the stars are out. In summers past we used to do some star/planet gazing. I had the "Starry Night" software on my laptop and we used to use it to navigate our way round the sky. Jupiter has been prominent in the sky for the last years and the girls used to love looking at it. I've been meaning to buy a telescope for a while but never got round to it. Instead we used some image stablised binoculars or a long lens on my camera, mounted on a tripod. Not optimal but we could see the moons of Jupiter.

Kay loved looking at the sky and Jupiter in particular. The Dutch often tell their children that when someone dies they become a star. If that's the case, Kay must now be occupying Jupiter. Big, Bright, Red/Brown, Dominant, The Bringer of Jollity. Oh how I miss her...

I had been expecting that we'd have a bad day today. But the weather has been super, bright sun and warm all day. We took Nattie down to the beach because she wanted to do some wave boarding. And then we had a nice lunch in the sun with a very nice bottle of Bandol wine. We came home and Nattie jumped straight in the pool. So the sun and the warmth and the activity have held off our living nightmare for a little while at least.

Natasha and Daddy trying to ride a wave(let)