In the week immediately after Kay's death (those words still don't / can't fit together) hugging everyone was the rule of the day; man, woman or child; family, friend or acquaintance. Since her memorial service social norms have slowly started to creep back into place. Last week I could still get away with hugging everyone who came in the door. This week it's starting to seem, um, "unconventional" shall we say? I suppose that in the following weeks hugging visitors is going to meet with polite stiffness.
I never thought that there would be anything about these last weeks that I'd want to retain, but I have to say that (fiercely) hugging friends and family will be sorely missed. It has been / is such a lovely expression of the depth of feelings that people have for each other. It seems such a shame to have to retreat back into the shell of social norms that are seemingly there to prevent us embarassing ourselves by public displays of warmth and emotion.
I've never had much feeling for 'community', not being a particularly sociable person. But these last weeks have taught me so much about the value of being part of a circle of people who care about us cq for whom we care. And hugging seems such a concrete expression of that value, of the feelings within that community.
May we long continue to hug each other.
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Amazing! I thought that 'continental' people went in for hugging far more than us stiff-upper-lipped British lot.
ReplyDeleteThat said, Rob, there are many, many hugs coming over the ether from here to all of you - hugs are so important, they transmit lots of words that we can't say.
Never stop hugging - when you do hug someone, they will always hug back - and they will understand that you need it.
I like this little quote from actress Shelly Long:
'Did you know that, if you visualise, you can actually hug on the phone?'
I'd add internet to that.
Here we go - huge, virtual hug.
Much love and many hugs
Linda and Em xxx
Sod the social norms. I do a lot of hugging (maybe because I'm a girl!) Now that you have realised how beneficial they are, just like a good diet and exercise, keep doing it!
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs.
Lesley
Dear Rob & Marion,
ReplyDeleteWhy retreat from hugging if that's what you and Marion need right now. Any friend will understand that. As I said before: take your time with things - that includes hugging. There is no need to rush.
Leon&Angelines
My goodness, I have long been referred to as "hug powered". Like Lesley says, it's as important as food! My direct collegues at work are also fortunatly pretty hug powered too. Hugs rule!
ReplyDeleteI had an odd hug situation this week, I found myself hugging my consultant at hospital! It was fine until I realised I was hugging him ... And on a second appointment too! Then there was kind of a crushing embarrased moment, which was only relieved by the fact that he was grinning and Dom was laughing. See, even seemingly inappropriate hugging can make people smile and feel brighter!
So keep hugging and a massive big one is on it's way to you! xxx
As we talk about cultural differences with respect to hugging I have to admit that for me (us) is quite hard to figure out the reaction of the person when I (we) would like to greet or comfort the respective person. In Romania and in Hungary I would not have this problem, while in the Netherlands, Germany and some other "western" countries I was confronted with this quite offen. Over the years I am living in the Netherlands I have learned to choose the "safe" side in order not to embarass myself in front of the other person or the other person if we are in front of others. Is this the right way or not? I do not have an answer for this, but I realize that spoken and/or written words can not replace the power of a hug. Dear Rob, Marion, Lauren and Natascha please accept our (virtual) hugs and let us know if we can help in any way.
ReplyDeleteLaci, Erika, Istvan and Antonia
Keep hugging! Be the first one to make the move if you have to! That wonderful warm contact with another gives energy. I spent an hour yesterday with my grief counselor. What a needed release to be able to talk out pain and sadness. Friends and family can help, but they are so close to the inner circle that their pain and grief becomes a mirror of you own. For me a "one on one" grief counselor has been the right answer, even after two years. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteInderdaad vooral blijven knuffelen!
ReplyDeleteIk wou even laten weten dat ik nog elke dag aan jullie gezinnetje, inclusief Kay, denk.
Liefs Judith
I'm anytime available I you want a firm hug just like the last time we met.
ReplyDeleteOnly one request: leave the Mentos at home :-)
Arno
Dear Rob,
ReplyDeleteI am a bit amazed for I assumed that you did hug friends and family. Why? I do not know.
Anyway perhaps now is the time to change habits and always hug when you meet friends and family.
Like Lesley said: "Sod social norms." It is your life and when you feel like it do it. We do and it feels great!
A warm and understanding hug,
Viviane
Debra, just wanted to say thanks for your reflections. This must make raw your own experience. We'll be thinking of you too, and praying for your peace and healing.
ReplyDelete