I woke instantly. It was so real. I could still feel the imprint of her hand in mine. Her way of talking, of looking, her deep concern, the seriousness that she sometimes had even as a four year old, the care and concern that she had for others...
I burst into tears and woke Marion up. I'm now sitting downstairs writing this with tears streaming down my face. Hanging on to this painful dream is more than I can bear. But I can't bear letting it go either, as it's the most recent "real" memory I have of Kay. Accurate in every detail. As if this happened yesterday.
No, Kay, I'm not happy. I miss you and sometimes I just can't bear living this life without you. It doesn't matter how hard I try, the hole you have left behind cannot be ignored, it cannot be filled, it cannot be coped with. It's just there, every day, every minute of every day, a yawning chasm in my life where there used to be a person of such warmth, such joy. I person that I love so very very much.
No, Kay, I'm not happy at all.
