The Drowning Sailor's Analogy

It occurred to me recently that Grief is a Sea and I'm adrift in it, without a boat, wearing only a deflated life jacket. There's a Perfect Storm raging and it's dark, there are huge waves, heavy rain and a howling wind.

The immediate struggle is to keep my head above water and thus my mind is largely occupied with survival. But I can't keep floating around out here forever, before long I'll run out of energy or the willpower to keep floating or both. Therefore I must find land.

But it's dark, raining and I'm being tossed around in the waves with no way to navigate and no idea where to find land. Every now and again a huge wave crashes down on me and I struggle not to drown in liquid sorrow.

In the quieter moments between the wave peaks I try to get more air into my life jacket so that I float more easily. If only I can let the life jacket do the work I might not be swamped by waves so often, might be able to think more clearly, might gain confidence in my chances of not losing everything, might be able to find some way to navigate to land.

This is featureless terrain and every clue helps. Being told that others have been this way before helps - at least one then knows that it is survivable. Being told that it takes 4-9 years to find land helps - at least one then knows that there's land out there somewhere. Talking to observers helps - they can spot an improvement in the conditions that can't be seen from the waterline.

But equally, no-one can swim for you, in the end you have to do it yourself.