Sunday 28 November 2010
Update
Finally decided to reattempt sleep at 3:15am, but no luck for at least an hour or so. Eventually the churning 'real' thoughts in my head turned into churnng 'unreal' thoughts and I entered some kind of sleep/dream state. 'Woke up' at 8am, if you can call it that, with a feeling of not having had any mental rest at all. Marion has snored the whole night away, in a ladylike way of course, and is still doing so now. Gggrrrrrrrr.....
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Wished I had checked your blog in the night, I too have spent most of it awake ( a regular occurance) but I am lucky that it tends not to effect me the next day. I always get up and do something and then when I feel I might be tiring I go to bed with a really boring complex book which tends to solve the problem. However Rob, you have a lot going on in that head of yours and because of the previous pattern of taking the tablets alot of catching up to do as you said. I do think you should perservere. I would probably go for a long walk in the fresh air today, make sure I didn't have a snooze, keep off the alcohol and hope for a better night tonight. Good luck
ReplyDeleteSharon x
Rob, what you describe is all very 'normal', if that is indeed the right word. I recognise the chain of events, the spiral that you feel yourself to be in. I guarantee that others reading your blog will identify with the 'non-sleep cycle'. Even now 'lesser' (lesser stresses than I have already experienced this year) cause my sleep to be very broken and the inability to 'switch off' to your situation is something that others can fail to understand. Only those who have experienced and have not forgotten the symptoms will 'get it'. The question is of course, what is the answer? Time and space... only these 'dimensions' can lessen the acuteness if not eliminate the pain. The enablers will be those family and friends that really love and support you and stay the course with you. They will out, and then you will see how much you, Marion, Natasha, Lauren and Kay are really loved. You will get through... scarred, battered and bruised, but you will get through. We send our love. Dom n Ali
ReplyDeleteI've joined the insomniac ranks... now 0418h and I haven't slept at all. Worst time of night by far. Too tired to sleep.
ReplyDeleteHey Rob. Now I'm not about to embark on one of those "power of prayer" sermons. I've often found them excruciating myself! But I am going to tell you this: I've not been sleeping too well either in the last week or two. Amongst other things it's freezing cold in this (modern!) Vicarage at night! And I've kept lying there wishing there was something useful I could do to fill in time a bit. Counting sheep gets boring and no-one's interested in how many you counted anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo TONIGHT I'm going to very deliberately, very consciously pray that Rob Howe gets some quality sleep ... maybe accompanied by many hours of manly snoring! And if it doesn't work, remember where I started. I'm not out to prove anything. And God doesn't need to. But without a shadow of a doubt I'm wishing you well; wishing you and yours peace; wishing you healing, strength and laughter; and I'm 100% with your dear mum, who I think the world of, who wrote on this blog a day or two back that the Kay who found sanctuary in Daddy's chest has indeed now found Love's final guarantee in Daddy's heart. Mummy's too. Your mum is absolutely bang on right: that's where heaven is ... "and underneath are the everlasting arms".
Best love, as ever, for each and every member of the Howe family. Know that you're all remembered in the thoughts and prayers of Bramhall Parish Church every day of the week. Simon x
Dom, thats the problem with living down under, you don't keep normal hours like the rest of the civilised world, Ha! What's keeping you awake?
ReplyDeleteActually I phoned you guys at around 12pm your time last night (my time).
Rob.
Call anytime. We're in bed by 2030h most nights. What a life. Alison must have slept through and not noticed your call (moby or landline?) Will get her to drop you a line. My work email is dominic.chan@defence.gov.au if you need anything. Have stayed awake all night now, so must be a senior club member. Take care Rob. We keep you, Marion, Natasha and Lauren in our hearts always. Have missed Nattie on facebook these past weeks. Biggest hug from Aunty Ali to Nattie.
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading Fr Simon's comments. He sounds like a special guy.
ReplyDeleteon the sleep note-- You are not alone. john and I are both terrible sleepers. I've used xanax for the last 20 years to help me fall asleep so I guess I'm an addict. Even with the xanax, though, I often have insomnia. I finally got up at 2 this morning and cleaned my closet, wide awake. Obviously, I have no solution for you, only plenty of empathy!