It's late. I'm tired. But a huge wave of grief is building, so much so that I don't want to go to bed, don't want to go into a dark room and try to sleep, don't want to not sleep, don't want to face this grief.
Marion's already long in bed. She was very tired and very tearful this evening. She was asking me why they couldn't save Kay. I have no answers except for the facts.
What to do, what to do? But there's no way out is there? I hate this. I hate sititng here with tears streaming down my face, missing my Kay so badly my heart could burst. I just kissed her photo and I still can't believe that that beautiful face only exists in two dimensions. That the only physical trace of Kay is a bag of ash in a pot. That's what my gorgeous daughter has been reduced to, it's so unfair, unfair.
I feel so alone with these thoughts. And I feel so repelled by this grief. But there's nowhere to go except into it, no ducking, no dodging possible.
I've reached the limits of what I dare write here just now.
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Oh Rob we are distraught with the agony of the situation. We are with you in spirit. Time will lessen the pain. Mum and Dad
ReplyDeleteRob, we are sat in glorious sunshine watching the RedBull Flutag in Sydney Harbour. Alison wanted to get some photos for you but I forgot the camera! :( It's too late to ring you now I guess but we are with you in spirit. Of course you feel this way right now. Especially in the early hours when the distractions of the everyday are not there. Too tired to sleep and perhaps too scared of the demons that inhabit that state. But, it will pass. It will fade. Never to disappear but less sharp in relief and pain someday. If you could wrap these feelings up and watch them pass just an an observer. Not having to take part in the emotion itself. If you each time find a place in your mind where you can 'build' something, anything that is positive and forward looking. So easy to say at this distance and so hard to explain. We send you all our love, our hugs and wishes. Ali n Dom
ReplyDeleteDear Rob,
ReplyDeleteWe have to make our own path in our feelings of grief and that is why we feel so alone. Just know that so many people care and are trying to lift you up.
Love,
Debbie