Detox

Over the last weeks we have been slowly weaning ourselves off the support medication. To recap, both of us have been on anti-anxiety/depression meds since July or so, and on sleeping tablets since Kay's death (that word is oh so wrong). The anti-depression meds played hell with my system for four weeks when I started them. I had a permanent headache, dizziness and nausea. My head has not felt right for months, but of course there's no way to be certain of the cause. However I don't like taking drugs and, since I generally feel rough these days, I'm fairly anxious to eliminate any external sources of problems.

So we started the process of slowly detoxing from the antidepressants three weeks ago with a plan to be off them after five weeks, give or take. Last Monday I was down to a 50% dose but as I mentioned, I started suffering some very bad symptoms a couple of days later. Again, headaches, nausea and dizziness with the addition of very painful shoulders and neck.

We had originally also agreed with our GP that we would tackle the sleep meds later. But I had noticed that they were having progressively less effect, namely I was falling asleep later and waking up earlier. This is an indication that my system was getting used to their effect. So after chatting to our GP we both decided to try reducing the sleep meds. The plan was to stop them three nights per week in a planned way.

So last Monday night we skipped them for the first time. The result was fairly dramatic, we both had a terrible night. During the period that I have taken these tablets I have had more or less dreamless and restful sleep. But last Monday I slept very lightly and 'woke' the next morning feeling like I'd caught up on two months dreaming in a single night. And weird dreams they were indeed, at one point putting me in a canoe in Rotterdam harbour with a friend. Marion had exactly the same experience (not including the canoe), strangely enough and the result was that on Tuesday we both felt as if we had been lightly beaten with sticks the whole night.

For some reason that I've forgotten I decided to repeat the experiment on Tuesday night. However my cunning plan this time was to use a lighter sleep inducing drug that we'd still got in stock instead, the theory being that if I could get into a deep sleep then hopefully I'd stay that way. I also managed to convince Marion of the wisdom of my theory. But it turned out to be a stupid idea, we simply repeated Monday night's experience. Thus Wednesday started badly and went downhill from there. I have now resolved to continue with the sleep meds irrespective, trying to reduce both drugs at the same time is way too hard. Having said that Marion is toughing it out according to the original plan w.r.t. the sleeping meds but using homeopathic alternatives.

As I mentioned yesterday, various interventions seemed to have counteracted the diverse physical effects that beset me. Friday through till this morning I have been feeling reasonable. But this afternoon I started to feel rough again and as I sit here the shoulder pain has returned along with the nausea and I'm feeling extremely tired. The idea that I'm probably only half way through the detox process is pretty intimidating. I simply can't wait to get off this medication and return to "normality" where, according to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, "Anything you still can't cope with is [therefore] your own problem".