Monday 20 September 2010
Broken Heart
I'm slipping away further and further into grief. Thoughts shoot into my head that pause panic attacks, over and again. I'm terrified about what we have to do this week and the continuing pain that that is going to add. For the first time in my life I don't feel strong enough to do something or face what has to be done.
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Rob,
ReplyDeleteDe berg waar je nu voor staat lijkt onbedwingbaar maar ook deze hindernis kan je nemen. En na het bedwingen zul je merken dat je er dan weer sterker uitkomt.
Hoe vol! Het gaat je lukken.
Arno
Dear Rob,
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to imagine how awful you must be feeling and how painful the grief must be. Kay inherited her strength of character and her will to live life to the full from both you and Marion. You have that strength in you, that stubbornness not to quit, no matter how unbearable things get. I know you have it and somehow somewhere you have to find it. There are lots of people all over the world supporting you, loving you and willing you on.
You are in our thoughts and hearts,
Philippa x
You've every reason to slip into grief and have panic attacks. Don't try to hide them or not acknowledge them. It is a way to give all that happened a place. As for the things that have to be done, take the mountain step by step as with any difficult period in life.
ReplyDeleteThe pain must be horrifying and I do not know wether it will pas but it will get tolerable in the future. Sharing it with Marion and talking about it will help.
We feel deeply sad and wish you strength,
Viviane and Noud
Rob, I was with you when you bravely and skillfully piloted us through the storm. Your hand on the tiller, you were once again the captain of the boat, steering everyone around you whether you wanted to or not. Even though you yourself said you couldn't do it: you did.
ReplyDeleteThe second worst thing you ever had to do in your life was to look into the face of the doctor and get confirmation that Kay had gone. When you received this signal, your reaction was the most brave, selfless thing I have ever witnessed: you thanked the doctors and all of the team for the efforts they had made for Kay.
Several of your friends on these various blogs have encouraged you to keep hoping for a miricle: I never have. I do not need to look for miricles: there was one on the 17 August 1961 when you came into the world. It's not surprising you don't see it: you are it.
Nobody could have done more for their daughter, their wife, their friends and all the professional staff involved. You are a very exceptional human being.
This week the wave will continue to crash over you - and maybe not all the damage has yet been done. I do feel the worst is over, and I am confident that you will face what needs to be done, again even if you don't want to. And I am confident in saying that with no recourse to miricles.
With the deepest love and respect that is indistinguishable from awe,
See you later.
Your brother James.
Tears in my eyes. Life can be so unfair..
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say, apart from wishing you and your family a lot of strength in the coming days and weeks.
Alexander