Good Days at Dark Times

Saturday should have been Kay's 1st second birthday, the first anniversary of her bone marrow transplant. I have been dreading these days, dark times at the height of spring. I was worried about Marion, was worried about how I could support Marion when I was struggling so much myself. I worried about descending into a period of intense grief, of being reminded of so much that we have lost.

But instead we decided to go away for the weekend. Friends have been encouraging us to spend the weekend with them at the campsite where they have a static caravan. This campsite is on the water and is a centre of watersport activities. We hired a caravan near them and took our Laser 2000 sailboat to take advantage of the caravan's situation. 

We have had an excellent weekend. The weather was super, the location excellent and the company extremely enjoyable. Although I have had to do a lot of work during the weekend there has still been enough time for relaxation and fun. Sailing with my girls has reminded me of the joys that life still holds. Both Lauren and Nattie were very keen to get on the water and enjoyed crewing the boat. The Laser is a very "tippy" boat and the main job of the crew is to keep it balanced. Lauren is great crew and coached Nattie into the role as well. I was able to concentrate on the helm and mainsail, and together we did well. Today the wind picked up and for a while we were fairly whizzing across the water.

On the water the shadow of Kay fades away somewhat. She didn't like sailing a wet boat. She'd spend the whole time looking over the side of the boat, watching for sharks - literally! We once sailed around the island of Bendor near Bandol, in light winds and on glass clear water. Kay did nothing but sit there looking pensive and asking whether there were sharks in the water. While Kay was many things, she was not a natural small boat sailor, while both Lauren and Nattie are. Marion is like Kay and kept her feet dry for the weekend. But then she has the "advantage" of nearly having drowned while we were sailing the Laser, caught out by rising strong winds in Bandol bay, and has since declined to participate, unsurprisingly.

I need to do things like this more often. The last days sailing has generated some strong, good thoughts and at the end of the day, when trying to sleep, I have been able to think of other things than the challenges of work and the emptiness that Kay has left behind. I'm looking forward to going to bed in a minute and closing my eyes and putting myself back in the boat with Lauren & Nattie, skimming across the water - memories to be treasured.