Thursday 21 April 2011

Mickey

It was one year ago yesterday that the Great Mickey Rescue took place. Now Mickey is all we have left. Mickey sleeps in our bed and is our constant companion, even when we travel. 

These are very hard, grievous days. The weather, which is the same as it was during the BMT weeks, reminds me of all the hope that we had this time last year. It's hard to resent such beautiful weather, but every time I step outside I'm overwhelmed with the memory of the hope that we had a year ago. 

It's natural in such weather to feel one's heart lift with the renewal that spring brings. And when I'm not thinking my heart does lift for a few seconds at a time. Then the worthlessness of all that forlorn hope crashes in and my enjoyment of the weather, of life, vanishes again.

We're having a hard time right now. Tears everyday. My heart weighs as much as a neutron star. The only positive thing that I can think of is that during her life I told Kay often that I love her, I cuddled her frequently. During her sickness, if not before, she could have had no doubt that she was infinitely loved.

But infinite though our love maybe, it feels like it wasn't enough, never will be enough. Our love wasn't enough to save her life, no matter how hard we tried.

Oh my Kay.

 
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4 comments:

  1. Anonymous21 April 2011 at 16:24

    Hang in there Rob! Love also for Marion.

    Liefs,
    Natascha

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  2. Dominic Chan22 April 2011 at 01:00

    Though we weren't there, Alison n I remember the story well. It was a clear demonstration of how much love Kay received from her family. Don't be afraid or feel guilty for smiling in the sunshine or enjoying the sound of a fresh breeze blowing through the trees. The warmth of the sun is Kay returning your love, and the breeze is her soul circling and protecting you all always. Our thoughts are with you (as always) this Easter Weekend.

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  3. Anonymous22 April 2011 at 15:04

    I remember the weather of last year also very Well, because this
    Was also the time that Maartje was in the IC of Raboud hospital.
    We are one of the lucky ones who are now at home, with her,
    Safe and sound. I think of that period a lot these days and therefore, thinking a lot of Kay. Hang in there Dear family
    All the love for you all, thinking of you!
    Bye, Ciel

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous22 April 2011 at 20:38

    Oh Rob!
    So many hugs, so many memories. You've all been on my mind so much these last few days - and will be tomorrow.
    As ever, I admire what Dominic says - couldn't put it better myself.
    Hang in there all of you.
    Much love
    Linda xx

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