Difficult day. Went Mountain Biking with Nattie this morning, but was thinking it should have been Kay. This afternoon I have resumed the project I started last summer for Nattie, namely building a board for her railway. But again this just brought back memories of when I started it, when Kay was last at home...
However, to change the tone, I think that I've got my sleep problem stabilised. With the help of melatonin and an over-the-counter sleep inducer I seem to be getting around 5-6 hours of dream-free sleep. I'm still waking up early and I'm still incredibly tired, the sleep deficit that I've built up is enormous, but at least it's not getting worse.
Last night we were in bed late-ish, but I slept till about 8am this morning, which was a turn up for the books. However I woke up feeling completely exhausted and we both ended up snoozmg till 10. I guess that it will take a long time before I wake up feeling ready for the day, but at least for now I'm beaten the prescription sleep medication.
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Well done Rob, hope you catch up on your sleep soon
ReplyDeleteSharon x
Rob, try not to miss out on the joys of Natties childhood too. I know it's hard but try to embrace that time together, without regret.
ReplyDeleteWell done on sleeping front. You need plenty more of those lie- ins.
Big hug, Ali xxx
Rob,
ReplyDeleteGood to hear that you have beaten the prescription drugs. I fear that I will be forever hooked. Actually I have not had the courage to try to live without them.
Grief is exhausting, so I am not surprised that you feel that way. There is much that I need to do in my house, but hardly ever feel up to it. If I start a project early in the day (cleaning closets, etc.) then I do much better.
I discovered e-readers (Kindle 3G to be exact) since Christmas and I cannot stop reading to even do housework anymore (haha)! My point being that I enjoy living in another world while reading and that helps me.
Your friend,
Debbie
Well done you! I don't think I could have achieved what you have done in giving up the sleeping tabs. But don't overdo things will you? Be kind to yourself and gradually the 'memories that come unbidden' will ease - allowing you to enjoy the company of Nattie and her projects to the full.
ReplyDeleteI hope Marion is feeling a little less fragile at the moment.
Love and hugs to all of you.
Linda xx
Dear Rob,
ReplyDeleteNo, I did not forget you or your family. You still pass my mind and I know that it didn't end when Kay left us. When I read your blog it hurts and hurts and there is no way I can find words to comfort or help or ease your pain.
When Kay got ill I knew what you were going trough, I knew the pain, the doubts, the anger, the anxiety, the rebellion. I knew every feeling that takes part of a person in that situation and that knowledge was a well upon which I drew all my words of comfort.
But now I am empty, the pain you and Marion are feeling is beyond my imagination. The idea that I didn't have to experience such a loss gives me the feeling that I have no right to say something or to even try to give advise for how you should perhaps deal with it. Do not misunderstand me, I do can imagine your pain, waking up and wishing, hoping it has all been a bad dream. Expecting to see Kay coming around the corner. Every single little item that reminds of Kay. Missing her like hell, so much it physically hurts into your stomach. There is just one thing I have learned while aging and that is that pain gets less and less with time. It will never be forgotten but it gets a place.
It will take some time and it will need that time so just try to give it the time it needs, a year or perhaps more. Do not rush, give the pain the time to languish. In the meantime try to be there for Nattie, let her be your comfort. She misses you, instinctively she feels that you are far away even though your are with her.
I so dearly hope that you can find a way to deal and live with it.
Sincerely from deep down my hart,
Viviane