Damn, I thought I was doing ok. But this morning I suddenly realised that one year ago this was the last week of Kay's conscious life. I took her to hospital for the last time one year ago, this Thursday. She entered a coma on Saturday... The end of her life for all practical purposes.
I have been either in tears or close to tears all day. If only I had known, if only I had been prepared. I could have held her closer, longer, tighter, never let go for a second. My KayKay.
It all seems so surreal now. And I'm terrified about the rest of the week. I thought that these days would be easier to cope with than her birthday, but right now they seem far, far worse. Oh, oh, oh.
My Kay. I love you, I miss you so very very much, my darling.
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Anniversaries. There are some hard days ahead Rob, don't forget to share the burden and lean on your friends and family. A year nearly gone but Kay is not forgotten. I wonder if this poem will suggest another slant to the anniversaries ahead, days where she ceased to be in pain and her mind was at peace.
ReplyDeleteIn tears we saw you sinking,
And watched you pass away.
Our hearts were almost broken,
We wanted you to stay.
But when we saw you sleeping,
So peaceful, free from pain,
How could we wish you back with us,
To suffer that again. It broke our hearts to
lose you, But you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you,
The day God took you home.
Anon
Sharon x
Hi Sharon, Am at work and started to read the poem. But I think I'd better wait till later, otherwise my colleagues will be mopping up.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Rob.
Hello Rob and Sharon,
ReplyDeleteI just read the poem and have ended up in tears too, it's beautiful but painful. But most of all I just keep thinking, if it's all so raw for the rest of us, we can only hazard a guess at the awfulness for all of you, as this season of anniversaries continues.
Rob, hang in there honey, we are all with you and facing these next few weeks with you, supporting from afar, and oh so aware.
No-one had any idea how it would be when you took Kay in to hospital a year ago, but Kay knew and still knows how much you love her. Don't ever forget that, even as the memories torture.
Here's a mega virtual hug for all of you - wish it could be real.
Love to all of you.
Linda xx
We denken aan jullie!
ReplyDeleteLiefs,
Natascha
Denk aan jullie, heel veel.
ReplyDeleteLiefs,
Ciel
Ook hier wordt elke dag aan jullie gedacht.
ReplyDeleteAls vooruit kijken je bang maakt
En terugkijken je pijn doet
Kijk dan naast jullie: je vrienden staan aan jullie zij!
Liefs Judith
Thanks to you all. It's turning out to be a very very difficult week. I seem to be constantly millimeters away from tears. Memories of the events keep flooding back, generating a sense of total desperation. I really don't want to be here, now, in this reality. It's too awful.
ReplyDelete