Schiphol 3am

Finally holiday has arrived. Psychological preparations for the coming weeks are complete. Both Marion and I have had our last EMDR sessions for the time being and now there's nothing left but to face Marion's birthday and then Kay's.

I feel somewhat strengthened but I still feel trepidation. This is going to be hard, irrespective of my new found perspective. During my last EMDR session I had the strongest sense of Kay's presence yet. However the feeling comes and goes, as I sit here in the middle of the night waiting for a 5am flight to Lefkas, I don't have a strong sense of her. Do souls sleep? Is she doing something else?

Still, for all the strengthening, I miss her terribly, especially as we prepare to go on a real holiday without her for the first time. It's weighing me down quite badly. Marion challenged me yesterday, saying that I looked miserable. It's difficult to acknowledge that actually I feel very miserable, sans Kay.

Work hasn't helped either. One spends the whole week preparing for a quiet departure and break and guess what? In the last hours half a dozen urgent things pop up, starting at 19:45 Thursday evening. I wonder when I'm going to be able to go on holiday without some kind of axe hanging over my head?

Anyway, we have to start thinking about walking over to the gate. Schiphol is incredibly busy at this time of the day, it seems like every seat is taken.

Next week we shall largely be without an Internet connection, sailing round some Greek islands. So fingers crossed I won't need the blog for support. After that we're at our own place in France and back in the modern(ish) world.