I'm currently in San Jose, California, on business. An intense week of meeting a range of people from Venture Capitalists through to lawyers and 'rainmakers'. I'd forgotten just how far away California is, actually. It was a long trip getting here and the time difference takes some getting used to. Even after a couple of days I'm still waking up at 4am.
Somehow it feels as though the distance and the intensity of what I'm doing here is building a little separation between grief and I. I don't feel quite so loaded down as I do at home. But then that could also be because I find Silicon Valley such an exciting place to be. I'm looking forward to every meeting, enjoying talking to the people, etc. All in all a very positive thing and very different and far away from the problems that I face every day at home. It would be even more exciting if I could get a lead a some business deals here.
That said, I was just looking through some photos on my iPad and came across pictures of Kay's last birthday. The problem with feeling more cheerful is that you have further to fall when hit by grief and I have to say that my stomach crashed to the floor. I had to quickly move on before I started thinking about her birthday...
I was also thinking that I shouldn't get used to feeling positive. We still have a lot of terrible moments to face, eg Kay's next birthday, 19th September, etc. And I also have to leave LaLaLand this weekend a return to reality. Yuk.
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I think it's amazing that you are juggling business as well as everything else.
ReplyDeleteYes, there's further to fall when things seem OK for a few minutes, and this is just escaping for a few days, but these are the first faltering steps towards building a different reality, where memories, grief and life will eventually be in harmony together.
Keep going Rob.
Much love to all
Linda xx
Distance plus time equals... well, it helps for sure. Hold on to some of that positive feeling on the return leg. Remember the achievement of getting to San Jose and moving forward the business. Even just weeks ago that might have seemed impossible. Well done Rob! Ali sends all her love to you.
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