Tired.

I'm so tired it's difficult to find the energy to even write this blog. In fact I'm only doing it out of bloodymindedness, to push myself to do something with the day.

This morning I had an appointment at 7.30am with the physio to see if he could help with the headache that I've had for the last week. He discovered that the muscles at the base of my skull are rock hard and massaged them, partially releasing some of the pressure in my head.

I had an enormous problem getting out of bed for this appointment so when I got home I decided that I felt rough enough to justify taking the rest of the day off. I went back to bed expecting to sleep for a few hours and have been unconscious for the best part of the day. As I sit here now, I could fall asleep in a few minutes.

I plan to take it easy this week and allow this tiredness to take its course.

I've had a few comments regarding my remark last week about Marion being in a bad temper, including a demand from my sister to remove it from the blog. I don't intend to air all aspects of this situation in a blog, don't worry. But equally it is true that the situation puts a lot of pressure on relationships and that every now and again this has visible consequences.

The last time that Kay had leukemia our marriage suffered under the pressure and the results of that took years to mend. This time we're more aware of the effects and we're taking steps to avoid a recurrence of this problem. For instance, last time it was two years before Marion & I had a weekend away on our own. This time I intend to try and arrange time away for us as soon as the situation allows. As Vivane remarked one of her comments, it's essential for a couple in this situation to think about themselves and their relationship too. But to be honest, such thinking doesn't get much priority under the circumstances unless one explicitly gives it priority.

It's an illusion to think that a marriage can get through such difficulties without stress and strain on the underlying relationship, not least because Marion & I have seen each other so little in the last weeks, that we have our own perceptions of the events and that when not dealing with Kay, the business, etc, we're both too tired to put any energy into anything else. Also, men and women react completely differently: I don't want to talk about any aspect of it more than once and I only want to deal with facts, no speculation. Marion wants to talk about it a lot and in, for me, minute detail. This is also difficult to reconcile.

My goal with this blog is to partially to sort out and organize my own thinking, but also to let my friends and family know how I am/we are doing. I have to find a balance between these things and erronously airing things that need to remain private. So if I cross a line here or there, please forgive me. This is not an easy situation and none of us are perfect, least of all me.