Sunday, 12 February 2012

Black Days

I guess that in some ways I'm slowly healing, at least judging from my "need" to write blog entries. However part of the reason that I've not written is that since the start of the year I have been extremely busy with the business and either been too busy or too tired to write. So it's not entirely good news that I'm writing less frequently.


For the last few days though I have started to miss Kay more and more. I know that recovering is a non-linear process, but I seem to be taking a huge hit at the moment. Life seems to weigh so heavily, every breathe an act of will. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel and no hope of finding light in the near future. Recovering from the kind of grief that I/we carry is a marathon that one begins without knowing where or when the end will be reached. Right now it's a marathon that I just don't want to run any more. I'd just like to lie down next to the road, give up and sleep. 


I tried to talk to Marion this morning, but the moment I opened my mouth I triggered her grief and I ended up listening to her instead of talking about how I feel. This is understandable, it's been the dynamic in our relationship since Kay died. But right now I could do with someone to lean on myself, a shoulder to cry on. I feel so bad, so hopeless and so incredibly tired of this life.
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7 comments:

  1. Anonymous12 February 2012 at 11:47

    I don't know what made me check the blog this morning although by reading doesn't mean I have the words to say to help you Rob. I suspect like many others the lack of blogs recently has perhaps led me to think that perhaps you are in better place. All I can do is listen and lend that shoulder to cry on. Despite the missing blog entries and therefore the comments offering support there are plenty of us thinking of you often and ready to listen if and when you need to talk/write. If you liken your path as a marathon then you are probably at the wall, lean on your friends Rob and hopefully we can get you through another stage on your journey
    Sharon xx

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  2. Anonymous13 February 2012 at 13:01

    I second all that Sharon has said here.
    You're still in my heart all the time, even if I don't say so as often as before.
    I just wish I could pop round, give you a huge hug, have a cuppa and offer that shoulder for real.
    Much love to all
    Linda xx

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  3. Anonymous13 February 2012 at 14:50

    I'm here, Rob. Love Mum.

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  4. Anonymous14 February 2012 at 12:57

    Hear hear for Sharon. I think a lot of us would give you that shoulder.We are still here: thinking of you, Marion and the girls, Wishing we could take away the pain:(Thinking of you is the best I can do for now: butI can come over anytime you like!Ciel

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  5. Anonymous15 February 2012 at 17:26

    Rob,
    Als je mijn schouder wil gebruiken, dan sla ik mijn armen om je heen.

    Liefs,
    Natascha

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  6. Anonymous20 February 2012 at 22:57

    This life that you have achieved so much in and still have so much to offer especially to your family and friends.
    Lesley xx

    ReplyDelete

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